That awkward moment in church when:
1. You enter the church some minutes to the end of the service and all eyes fall on you.
2. They’re singing a particular song which you don’t even know it exists
3. Everyone is dancing as if there’s a gift for it and you’re the odd one out, standing like a vertical log of wood
4. You’re to dance to the front to drop your offering and the person in front of you is engaging in an endless buttock-shaking Shoki dance, blocking your way forward
5. You’re being tapped by the usher, telling you to stop sleeping, then you will be like “i no dey sleep na”, with sleepy red eyes
6. The pastor asks you to look at your neighbour eyeball to eyeball and your neighbour has only one eye…You gats close one of ur eyes too.
7. Wen your pastor asks you to pray that you’ll buy that house you’re living in as a tenant IJN and your landlord is sitting next to u, winking at you.
8. When you’re to drink the holy communion and it pours on your white cloth
9. When the pastor is pointing at someone at your back and everyone is looking at you
10. Wen sinners are asked to come to the front and the whole church is still seated, lookin 4 who will stand up 1st!!
11. When virgins are asked to come forward and your mum is sitting next to you, smiling with the confidence of what you are not
Add yours……
