According to Krystle Crossman of Healthy Black Woman, it is a sad
and unfortunate fact that many women are in abusive relationships. It is an
even more unfortunate fact that many of them don’t realize what path the
relationship is headed down until it is too late.
Crossman lists some warning signs that you may be in an abusive
relationship and should get out before it gets worse:
1. When you are around other people your partner likes to humiliate
you. They will call you names and degrade you in front of anyone that
you meet. They do this to have dominance in the relationship. They
like to destroy your self-worth so that you feel like you don’t deserve
anyone better.
2. You are not allowed to make your own decisions. They decide where
you go, when you go, who you are friends with, and what you are
allowed to wear. You have no control over your life anymore. Your
independence is gone and they control every little thing that you do.
3. When you have done something that they don’t like or are not
doing something they want they will threaten you. It may be a threat
of physical harm or something else such as ending the relationship.
Many women pass this off because they feel that they are empty
threats but they often turn into real threats which they act upon.
4. If they are spoken to about their abusive behavior they will pass
the blame off on you stating that you deserved it. They will deny
that they are doing anything wrong and state that if you didn’t do
certain things they wouldn’t have to hurt you.
5. If you are financially dependent on them they will use money
against you. They will threaten to leave and take everything. They
will give you an “allowance” and not let you touch the money that
comes in. They may even restrict you from working so that you
depend completely on them for income.
6. They will limit or completely destroy any relationship that you
have with your family and friends. They do not want you to talk to
others about the relationship and they do not want other people putting
ideas in your head. This gives them complete control.
7. If you have children together they will often use them against you.
They will turn the children against you by lying to them. They will use
the children as a bargaining tool if they feel like you are going to leave
them.
8. They will make you fear them. Intimidation is a way for them to
control you and make sure you do everything that they want. They
want to make sure that you are afraid to do anything wrong and too
afraid to leave.